Friday, February 26, 2010

What? Why? How?

Oh Noes! I'm losing followers! Three in the last 2 days to be exact!



What is the meaning of this? Have I offended someone?

I mean, I know my monthly ACH payments to all my blog followers were a couple of days late this month, but.....

It was the summer I turned 18 and other random ramblings...

While talking with friends the other day, the question arose, "If you could time travel would you go back to high school?"

I thought for a moment on how to delicately answer the question without offending anyone.

Hmmm....How. To. Answer. The. Question.....Hmmm....Fuck no! Not for a second. Are you bat shit crazy? I would rather give up my cozy, attached, two car garage on the coldest of winter days than have to go back to my high school days. (Maybe I should check with Dunnski before I offer up our garage...*snicker*)

It wasn't that I was tortured by anyone or anything. My teen years were just an odd time of feeling like I didn't fit in. Being the oldest of three children, I always looked and acted older than I was. I always felt like I wasn't taken seriously by those older than me, only because I was younger. Not because I was irresponsible, I didn't smoke, drink, do drugs, steal. It always frustrated me that I could be so responsible and still be treated like someone who was 'just another flakey teenager' when I felt like I had so much more to offer. I can still remember thinking on so many occasions that I could not wait until I was older and would be taken seriously.

Oh well, I digress. Just wanted to give you a little hint as to why I would never want to go back to those days, and tell you about the summer I turned 18.

To give you a little background, my Dad worked for International Harvester from the time after he was discharged from the Marines after the Vietnam War until 1981. It was then my dad was told if he wanted to keep his job at IH, we would have to move to Springfield OH, his job, along with countless others, were being transferred. The prior year, the UAW had just ended a 172 day strike against IH which left the company financially unstable. The future did not look good. There was no guarantee if we did move to OH that the same thing wouldn't happen again to the Springfield plant. Even though my dad knew moving would be a very big risk for a company already in financial trouble, we took a weekend trip to Springfield OH the fall of 1981, just to see if we would like the area. Needless to say, since I am still in the Louisville area today, I guess you know the rest of the story.

IH paid very well for the 1970's. So, my mother could stay home with me and my brothers. After IH closed in Louisville, my Dad started working with a fire restoration business a friend of his owned. They would go in to peoples homes or a business after a fire or flood and clean carpets, walls, ducts, ceilings, etc. My dad can still clean stains like nobody's business! He learned some pretty neat tricks of the trade at that job. My mom was lucky enough to get a job in the school system so she could still be home with us during non-school hours. During this time, I could tell (or I thought I could tell) my parents were not making as much money together as my dad was making at IH. My parents are awesome and they never talked to us about money. They never made us feel like we didn't have money. We always had clothes to wear and the cabinets and the refrigerator were always full of food. We would go grocery shopping every week and when we come home mom would line up the big tall brown paper grocery bags up and down the kitchen floor to unload them. This gave me comfort. If we had food in the house, everything would be OK. I have carried this feeling with me until today. Lots of food in our house = comfort to me. If I can show my children they have plenty of food and can eat anytime they are hungry....everything will be OK.

It was in 1988, the year I turned 18, when Dad got the news that he had been hired by Toyota. This was wonderful news...except he was hired as a Team Leader and he would have to travel to Japan for one month to train. The month he was to be in Japan was May of 1988...the month I would turn 18 and graduate from high school. This was really hard for me, we have a small family and we always did things together. I knew he had to go and it was really hard for him to leave, but this was an awesome opportunity for our family. I still remember the Saturday morning we all piled into the car to drive him to the new Georgetown plant to get on a bus to the airport. It was the saddest goodbye I have ever endured. I had never been away from my dad, especially knowing he would miss my birthday and graduation.

When Dad returned from Japan, plans were made for us to take a family trip to Disney. A sort of last family trip since we were all getting older. We left for Orlando on a Saturday morning and not long after we passed the FL state line my dad saw a billboard advertising 'free Disney tickets' from one of those resort places that give away free tickets if you listen to their two hour talk about timeshares. So....we stopped. My brothers and I sat in the back of this convention room at a hotel in these chairs that were lined up against a wall while the 'talk' went on. I remember afterward each family was taken to a separate table and the haggling began. This guy kept trying to get my dad to understand how wonderful it would be to have a place to take his family to each year. My dad just kept trying to get this dude to understand he only stopped for the free tickets and he WAS NOT buying anything. This went back and forth for what seemed like hours. I don't remember anything else, other than we got the tickets and got the heck out of that miserable place and my dad promised us he would never make us endure that kind of hell again.

On our first day at Disney all I can remember is it was hot, hot and hot. Oh, and it was crowded. But, when you visit the happiest place on earth in the middle of July what do you expect? My brothers were the only ones who really liked riding the big rides, so there was a lot of standing in lines for very little joy. On our second day, we visited The Epcot Center. The only memory I have of this day is the ride we took in the big Epcot Ball. I remember before the ride started we were told NOT TO STAND UP and as soon as the ride started this lady stood up and screamed "GET ME OFF OF THIS THING IT'S DARK IN THERE!" The ride halted to a stop and the crazy lady had to be removed from the ride before it even got started. The only other thing I remember is Walter Conkrite narrated the ride. Other than that....the whole day is blur. Oh, and my mom likes to remind me that I said to her while I was having a heat stroke, "If this is supposed to be the happiest place on earth, why is no one smiling?"

The next day we traveled to Cocoa Beach to visit the Kennedy Space Center and to relax a little at a beach. The beach was covered with nasty sea weed and the water cold, but the KSC was totally awesome. Later that day my dad fell ill with a stomach virus. He stayed in the room and did what you do when you have a stomach virus while the rest of us went out for dinner. The next day, my dad was feeling better so we decided to head home. On the LONG drive home my brother, who was 14 at the time, also gets a stomach virus. All the way home, in the back of a Ford Taurus, my poor brother is laying across my 10 year old brother and my laps throwing up in garbage bags. To this day, I still can't get in the back seat of a Ford Taurus. When we pulled into our driveway, I fell out of the car into our yard and kissed our grass...I had never been so glad to be home. I'm pretty sure my sick brother felt the same way too.

A couple of weeks after we returned from our Disney trip, my mother had not been able to get a hold of her mother, my mam-maw, by telephone. So, we got in the car and drove the 5 minute drive to her house after dinner that night. When we arrived, both of the screen doors were locked and her car was in the driveway. We started to panic. I am thinking maybe she fell down the basement stairs and broke her hip and she just can't get to the phone. As we are banging on the door and windows, her little dog runs to the window and moved the curtains. When she did this, I could see my Mam-ma laying on her living room couch. She looked like she was asleep, but I knew she couldn't just be asleep after all the noise we had been making. My mom broke out a window, told me stay on the porch and went in the house. A horrific scene ensued. A daughter finding her mother dead. The authorities came and it was later determined she had passed sometime in the early morning hours the day before of natural causes.

So, you now know part of the reason I am the way I am....and this was only ONE summer of my youth. Well....sorta.

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Friday, February 19, 2010

My name is Charmed....and I am a Tagalong Whore

I just ate an entire box of Tagalongs.

And I am not sorry.

Where were you when Tiger first spoke????


This is, of course, to make fun of my post from yesterday.

But, anyway...I was at work, working and didn't hear Tiger first speak of the travesties he is currently enduring.

Although, I did read an email from NPR regarding the news conference.

I am SO GLAD he is sorry. **wipes a tear**


NPR BREAKING NEWS:

Tiger Woods: 'I Am Truly Sorry'

Woods has made his first public statement three months. He would not put any date on his return to professional golf. He said he, "would not rule out" a return this year.


Thursday, February 18, 2010

Really? Really? Are you serious????

This morning as Dunnski and I were getting ready for work, the TV in the bedroom was tuned to ESPN. A story came on about Tiger Woods and his press conference that is scheduled for tomorrow. The reporter said something that made me stop and think...Really?? Are you serious!?

The guy begins talking about the pending press conference and says, "People will be tuning in tomorrow to hear what Tiger has to say, and years from now, everyone will remember where they were when Tiger first talked. Like when Kennedy was shot."

Really? Are you f'ing kidding me??

This I Believe....



* Everyone deserves to be happy.

* When you ask someone for help, help is all you should receive in return...you shouldn't have to justify why you've asked for help.

* If I could not listen to podcasts at work, I would have lost my mind a long time ago.

* I fell in love with my daughters the moment I found out I was pregnant with them. My love for them only grew stronger when I first saw their beautiful little faces.

* My Dad is a superhero.

* Shopping is the best therapy.

* Blogging is the second best therapy.

* Winter SUCKS!

* I could eat steak every night of the week.

* Having an abundance of food in our house gives me a false sense of comfort.

* Depression is real, and should always be taken seriously.

* God is real, it's just the semantics that make me wonder. How can a good and just God teach we are to judge someone based on who they have intercourse with? Or, the decisions a woman chooses to make regarding her own body?

* You can be a prisoner in your own home, and if not careful, it can smother the life out of you.

* Your wants and needs will always come second after you have a child.

* Not having money to pay your bills is one of the scariest feelings in the world.

* Anyone (even happy people) can benefit from therapy.

* Sprite and crushed ice will cure a stomach virus.

* Everyone should marry their soul mate.


This I Used To Believe...

* If I went outside with wet hair, I would catch phenomena.

* When I was little I thought the word 'Tupperware' was pronounced 'Tukkerware'. When my mother told me how it was really pronounced...I argued with her.

* I would never be happy.

* I would never have the strength to divorce my first husband.

* Legwarmers were awesome.

* If you get in a bath with bubble bath, you will get a bladder infection. (wait...I still believe this one...)

* Colored toilet paper will also cause a bladder infection. (I have a strange infatuation with things that cause bladder infections...what can I say....I'm very weird.)

* My Mam-maw had stomach cancer when she was in her 30's....so I too, would have stomach cancer or any other kind of cancer.

* I would never fly on an airplane.

* I might have another baby.


Thursday, February 04, 2010

Spider porn



source

I'm not sure how I feel about this.....

NPR BREAKING NEWS:

Attorney: 10 Americans Charged With Kidnapping For Trying To Take Children Out Of Haiti

The Americans were detained in Haiti for trying to take 33 children out of the country after the Jan. 12 earthquake have been charged with child kidnapping.




The poor girl on the far right doesn't look any older than 14 or 15, she probably was taken there by her parents.....such a sad situation


While Dunnski and I were driving to work yesterday we were listening to a story on NPR about the plight of the Haiten people and how 2 out 5 children in Haiti will die before their fifth birthday.

Knowing that statistic....how can we say these people are wrong for trying to save these children's lives?


I had a dream last night that I believe was as a consequence of trying to rationalize this story in my mind. I was in Afghanistan (of all places) and was in a line to get a ticket to ride a train. It was loud and there was so much noise. War was everywhere, I can remember feeling paralyzed with fear. I was wearing a veil and a long wrap, and I just kept thinking if I kept my head down and kept quiet, no one would notice me and I wouldn't get shot, for some reason, I had a really bad fear I was going to get shot. There was a lady with a toddler in line behind me and she didn't have enough money for her ticket and her son. (I had remembered that I had put a $10 bill in my wallet earlier in the day after a trip to the store - I do that a lot in my dreams - I go back and forth between real time and dream time - it's very strange), so I got out my wallet to get her the money. She thanked me, but told me American money was not accepted at the station. She began to tell me her son was ill and she was taking him to Kabul for medical care. He had a tumor in his brain and the doctors had told her it was curable, but he could only get the medical treatment he needed in the United States. She only kept going back to the doctors hoping they would have different news or improved medical care. Somehow, we both got on the train and during the ride we began talking about our children, it was during this time she asked me if I would take her son back with me to U.S. She said she knew I had children and I would take good care of him, and that she would rather say goodbye to him and know he would live and be happy...than to see him die in her arms knowing she could do nothing.

How could I say no?



Dr. Wayne Fiscus, OCD and a face way too yummy for radio...


I have been listening to podcasts for Q, an entertainment broadcast from Canada. Howie Mandel was a guest last week promoting his new book, Don't Touch Me, where he talks openly about his life with OCD and ADHD.

I also suffer from OCD and ADD, I can say my OCD isn't near the level Howie's is. Howie has a paralyzing fear of germs. I always believed my OCD was somehow contained in my head. My thoughts would overtake me, sometimes lead me to have minor panic attacks. For a long time, I thought if I could keep the confusion and disorder in my head, no one else would ever know. I had no outward signs...I didn't check the light switches over and over, I didn't wash my hand 20 times a day, I wasn't afraid of germs....it was all just in my crazy, messed up mind. But, at the end of the day obsessive compulsion is still obsessive compulsion, whether you show any outward signs or not.

Howie made a comment that his mind sometimes seems to be in an endless loop. That is exactly how I felt before I was diagnosed and began taking medication around 7 years ago. He also said something that made total sense to me, but may not to others who are not afflicted with OCD. He said he would give up his whole career and all the fame he has to be normal and not have OCD. I can totally relate to him making that statement. When you are having an attack, the only thing you want, is it to be over and feel normal again. You know you are in no immediate danger, but you cannot convince your mind otherwise, and it is a very scary situation.

Howie began showing signs of his OCD when he was young and dealt with it on his own until he was older. The only thing I can remember doing when I was young...and I know this sounds crazy, but to a person with OCD, this is just part of your normal day. I would touch something...like a book or piece of clothing in a store, and my mind would tell me something really bad would happen if I didn't touch it with the other hand. I KNOW this sounds crazy, there were many times, I would think to myself, "WHY AM I DOING THIS!" But once I would touch whatever it was with the opposite hand, my mind would tell me everything was OK. And almost always, I would simply forget about what just happened, until the next time it would happen. I would never know when I was going to get the urge to do this strange ritual, it was like my mind would tell me when it was time.

So, in summary, OCD sucks out loud and I can't wait to read to Howie's new book. And, speaking of the yummy face....did you check out the host of the Q podcast in the picture above? ;-)

THIS is a rodent?!?!?!?!?!

I have a rational and irrational fear of rodents of ANY kind. If I was to come face to face with the little guy below, I would not only pee myself....but I would have a heart attack!



(from yahoo...)
This photo released by Melanie Typaldos shows Typaldos and Caplin her pet capybara wearing his Halloween costume. The capybara, Hydrochoerus Hydrochaeris, is a semi-aquatic rodent of South America. It weighs about a hundred pounds, and is about 2 feet tall at the shoulder. (AP Photo/Courtesy Melanie Typaldpos)