Tuesday, June 30, 2009

God and taxes

A little boy wanted $100.00 very badly and prayed for weeks, but nothing happened.

Then he decided to write God a letter requesting the $100.00.

When the postal authorities received the letter to God, USA, they decided to send it to the President...

The president was so amused that he instructed his secretary to send the little boy a $5.00 bill.

The president thought this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy.

The little boy was delighted with the $5.00 bill and sat down to write a thank-you note to God, which read:

Dear God:

Thank you very much for sending the money. However, I noticed that for
some reason you sent it through Washington D.C. and those assholes took $95.00 in taxes!


Friday, June 26, 2009

"the birds, the bees and the butterflies"

Okay...I know what you are thinking, "What the hell? You haven't had the talk yet with your 14 year old daughter?"


While I have talked to her about certain things, like, her period and what boys are thinking about at this age, (she has rather large bewbs, and the boys like to hug her). I have not really explained everything to her from A-Z. It is really strange, I just keep putting of the inevitable. I put together a quick list of some of my excuses:

* the dog at my notes
* there was laundry to do
* there was the one time I started the conversation, but the phone rang
* I was really hoping her sex ed class at school would cover everything for me
* I fell asleep

I have no formal training in this area. My mother told me, and I quote, "Boys only want one thing and they will test you to see how far you will let them go. Never let a boy touch you, sex is not good and it hurts." And then, I was handed a set of 4 books on female reproduction and sex. I will never forget these books, they were red and came in a red cardboard slipcover. Book 3 was about S-E-X. I read that book over and over looking for the sentence that would say that sex was bad and would hurt....I never found it. But I believed it, because my mother told me so.

I want to tell her that sex is a beautiful experience between two people who love each other. I don't want my daughter to be afraid of sex. But, on the other hand, I don't want her to think I am giving her a free pass to have sex. After this....I have no clue what to say, other than, "never let a boy touch you, sex is not good." Damn, I wish I had kept those little red sex books.


Have a great Friday!

Cause Poncherello said so!



Thursday, June 25, 2009

R.I.P. Jill Munroe and Michael

Farah was the hottest hottie of our time when I was growing up. Every boy had a crush on her, and had the poster of her below...

2/2/47 - 6/25/09

Michael Jackson is the Elvis of our time. I remember when Elvis died, I was seven. Now my children will remember when their Elvis died. Sad, very sad.

8/29/58 - 6/25/09


She keeps us on my toes...

Our youngest is always coming up with something hysterical, here are just a few of her latest.


We were getting ready for work and school one morning and she came in the bathroom disgusted and looked at me and said, "Look at my face, I am starting to get active!" After choking back my laughter, I had to tell her she meant to say "acne".

She likes her room tidy and to do that she will stuff her closet full of her stuff (and anywhere else she can find a free space). A couple of weekends ago she told me that she had promised her closet she wouldn't put anything else in it.

The light bulb in the basement stairwell was out. She told Dunnski the basement stairs was "out of light".

Last night at dinner she said her sister was looking at her "papisisously". Not, suspiciously.

She called me at work yesterday to tell me she got something out of her ear and it was white and looked like a leaf. I asked her to show it to her sister and see what she though....she then said, "I did and she said eewwww!!" She just wanted me to confirm to her she wasn't going to die.

Dunnski came in from his softball game Monday night and went in her room to kiss her goodnight. She was already half asleep, so when he startled her, she said "Oh, I blacked out there for a minute. My eyes were open but I couldn't here anything...." Dunnski quickly replied, "Sweetie, you were probably just asleep."

She was on the computer one night last week before dinner talking with one of her friends. She was getting very frustrated and kept yelling directions over and over to her friend. We could not figure out what she was trying to do. It wasn't long that dinner was done and then she went outside to play. Dunnski went in the office to turn off the computer and found what she had been googling and how it was spelled...."how to tell if a boy likes u". Tee Hee!



Wednesday, June 24, 2009

source

My blogger friend E @ The Perkster is participating in a Relay for Life Walk to raise money for a cure for cancer.

I know we have all known someone whose life has been touched by cancer. Please go to her page and donate if you can, it would be greatly appreciated.

Wordless Wednesday...

Ummm...the date on the camera was about 4.5 yrs off..... :o)

I <3 cartoons...

For a period of time from 2002-2006 I worked part time to stay at home with my girls. It was really great spending the extra time with them. I always felt a tremendous amount of guilt working full time while they were little and taking them day care. I feel like I missed so much while they were babies. There were many days when I would cry all the way to work after dropping them off at day care, especially when they would cry and not want to stay. But, if you have to choose between having a roof over your head and money for food or taking your kids to daycare...there really isn't a choice, is there?

So, when I got the opportunity to go the part-time, I jumped at the chance. Cork was 7 and Ash was 3 at the time. When Cork would get on the bus to go to school, I would go back to bed and snuggle with Ash who was my best snuggler baby, Cork was just not a snuggler when she was little. Ash would call it cuggling or to cuggle, it was soooo cute. We would usually get up around nine, just in time for her favorite cartoons, (and mine). We would move our cuggling to the couch in the family room and watch Maggie and Ferocious Beast, Bear in the Big Blue House, Oswald, Max and Ruby and many others.




Once she was settled, I would make us breakfast and start the routine of our day. Housework, of course, was a never ending job, but it was well worth it when I could take a break for a little smooch from my little warm bundle of sweetness. There was always something so comforting about being home with the background noise of the familiar cartoons I became so accustomed to. I don't know how to explain it, but if I am home alone now and I'm feeling uneasy, I will turn on Noggin or Nick Jr, it takes me back to those days and makes me feel at ease. I just wish I could bring back the little cuggly three year old on the couch who thought I was the best person on earth. I really miss that sometimes.

In the afternoon, Cork would get home from school and we would make projects, read, play outside or just hang out.

It really was a great time in my life I will never forget, and I hope they don't either.

What in the hell?!

Last night the girls are out on the back porch tending to a stray cat that has been hanging around the backyard. She was very hungry and in much need of some attention. About 20 minutes after they went outside, our youngest bolts inside yelling that there is the biggest bug she has EVER SEEN on the porch and we need to come see it!! Well, of course, our first reaction was "if you don't bother the bug, the bug won't bother you."

She hesitates a moment, then decides to rejoin her sister. After a few more minutes, the oldest comes in and tells me she needs a weapon that she is going to behead the bug. Ummm...whaaaa???

So, Dunnski and I HAVE to see this bug....RIGHT??? I mean, wouldn't you want to check out a bug that your daughter feels she needs to behead! We step out out on the porch and the first thing we see is a wasp. Hmmm...I'm thinking if she can catch and behead a wasp, more power to her.

THEN....Dunnski turns around and this creature is stuck to the bricks of the house......


Check out the pincher's on this thing!!



We played with it a while by poking it with a broom handle then we put in a coffee can and showed it to the family around the farm. We thought we had found some kind of rare or extinct breed of land crustacean. But after some googling, we found out it is a giant stag beetle, read more about the stag beetle here.

Who knew?

Monday, June 22, 2009

Swimsuit Monday

Hot Hot Japan Hot has a regular Monday Bikini post...

So, I thought it was only fair for the ladies to have a little eye candy as well...

Here you go ladies, all the hot looks that 1955 had to offer


HAWTNESS!

Friday, June 19, 2009

With the state of things today...



This really isn't funny.

source

Mandy...

This one is for you...when I saw this picture, I couldn't help but think you have to have one of these. Sorry, but I don't think the wine is included. :0(



source

Eight and a half minutes you won't regret...



I am particularly fond of #3...I try not to follow the rules every now and then...

original source

I would like a little goat cheese with my whine....damn it!

I have been feeling a lot like the 'irritable vowels' lately.


My birth certificate says I am only 39 years old but my body tells me something very, very different. It has been screaming at me lately like a relentless toddler that cannot be bribed with the sweetest confection or expensive plaything.

It really is getting old.

When my week started off a little sluggish, I assumed it was because I was tired from a weekend trip to Cincinnati that Dunnski and I enjoyed. Or, it could have been that I was tired of thinking about how I pissed my sister-in-law off by drinking by a glass of wine at a family gathering. Wait, didn't I already mention that I was 39 years old? I think that is old enough to decide if I am mentally and physically capable of consuming, what I would guess to be, 4 ounces of wine and being able to safely transport myself and my children home. It always makes me laugh when people who live in glass houses throw the biggest stones. And, for those of you wondering if I am a fallen down drunk, the answer is...NO. Here is the deal....I happen to come from a large family of non-drinkers...well, that would be my parents that do not drink. Everyone else may enjoy an adult beverage in the privacy of their own home on occasion, but it would never cross into a social setting where one might be judged. I, on the other hand, the last time I checked, was an adult and I feel that I can drink a glass of wine or a beer in front of my parents and it is perfectly respectful. I would however, not get drunk of my ass in front of my parents, that would be very disrespectful, in my opinion. As a person of rational thinking, I also understand that anytime alcohol is consumed that it doesn't always have to lead to one becoming inebriated. Anywho, enough ranting, the story must go on.

So, Tuesday I start to get even more fatigued and my arms and legs are heavy and very sore. I'm thinking I just need to sleep. Well, I came home from work and slept from 6pm Tuesday night to noon on Wednesday. Hmmm...well, sleep was not the issue. I still feel like shit. And if things were not bad enough, at some point during the day, I leaned over to pick something off of the floor and I hear a crack and a pop in the middle of my lower back. NOT GOOD. Oh yeah, I forgot to mention, 9 years ago, I injured my lower back and have since had lower back pain and pain in my left leg almost daily. So, I am now walking around like a 93 year old grandmother on her way to Bingo while my body aches and I am so sleepy I can't stay awake.

It is now Thursday and oh wait, it's just now starting to get interesting. I wake up and I am feeling pretty good so I think I can make it to work. I mean, I sit at a desk all day, how hard can that be right!? Well, I get not even halfway to work and I am covered in sweat, my legs are weak and my head is spinning. I had to turn around and go back home. Once home, I thought maybe a shower would make me feel better. I was wrong. After emerging from the most unpleasant shower of my life, I started to throw up. WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME??????????? I called my doctor and she could see me at 2 that afternoon, so I passed out until my mother could come and get me and drive my sorry ass to the doctors office.

At the doctor, they run tests for strep throat, mono, 2 strains of flu and a pregnancy test. All of which are negative. At this point, I am again asking....WTF is wrong with me??????????? I am begging at this point for them to take my blood, take my saliva, take my ear wax, take my plasma.....I will give them any bodily fluid they want to find out what is making me feel so bad!! I was so weak, the lab came to me....instead of me going to the lab. Five vials of blood later and I still do not know anything. Results should be back in later Friday. The doctor concludes that I probably have one of the many strains of the flu that the office does not test for. Apparently, they only test for the most common types, GO FIGURE!

It is now Friday right before 5 and I have survived an entire day at work. I feel like I am going to pass out at the moment, but I made it through the work day. Yay me! And another good thing about being sick...I have joined WW and my weigh in was today. I had lost 3.6 lbs this week. Wow! Funny thing is, I would have gladly traded a weight gain for not being sick this week.

The only one happy I was sick this week was the dog. She was the recipient of all the hugs and kisses that would have been mine...because she is not contagious. Being sick sucks.


Tuesday, June 09, 2009

A journey into a family secret...

"The secret emerged, without warning or provocation, on an ordinary afternoon in 1995. Secrets, I've discovered, have a way of working themselves from their keepers."
Steve Luxenberg