Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Out of the mouths of babes...

A teacher was doing a test studying the sense of taste...

The children began to identify the flavors by their color:


Finally the teacher gave them all HONEY lifesavers.

None of the children could identify the taste.

The teacher said, "I will give you all a clue. It's what your
mother may sometimes call your father."

One little girl looked up in horror, spit her lifesaver out and
yelled, "Oh my God! They're ass-holes!"

The teacher had to leave the room!

Sex, Murder and a Double Latte

Word of advice...

If you ever start to read a Murder Mystery Series, it is best to start with the first novel in the series.

Sex, Murder and a Double Latte
by Kyra Davis

When a mystery writer cries bloody murder, everyone blames her overactive imagination..

Thriller scribe Sophie Katz is as hard-boiled as a woman who drinks grande caramel brownie frappuccinos can be—maybe it's from a lifetime of fielding dumb comments about her half-black, half-Jewish ethnicity. ("My sister married a Polynesian! I just love your culture!") So Sophie knows it's not paranoia or post-divorce, living-alone-again jitters, when she becomes convinced that a crazed reader is sneaking into her apartment to reenact scenes from her books. The police, however, can't tell a good plot from an unmarked grave.

When a filmmaker friend is brutally murdered in the manner of a death scene in one of his movies, Sophie becomes convinced that a copycat killer is on the loose—and that she's the next target. If she doesn't solve the mystery, her own bestseller will spell out her doom, cursing her grisly imagination (Why, oh, why did she have to pick the axe?), Sophie engages in some real-life gumshoe tactics. The man who swoops in to save her in dark alleys at night is mysterious new love interest Anatoly Darinsky. Of course, if this were fiction, Anatoly would be her prime suspect....

And not the 4th book in the series, Love, Loathing and a Little Lip Gloss. It kinda ruins some of the motives of most of the suspects.

Friday, August 21, 2009

Lust, Loathing and a Little Lip Gloss

Now, don't get me wrong...I am not really a Harlequin girl. But, this little gem is a great little weekend mystery.

Lust, Loathing and a Little Lip Gloss

by Kyra Davis

Mystery writer and dabbling recreational sleuth Sophie Katz is head over heels in love—with a three-bedroom Victorian. She's just got to have it, despite a few drawbacks. Her slimy ex is the Realtor. The rich, creepy seller wants her to join San Francisco's spirited Specter Society. And her first tour of the house reveals, well, a lifeless body clutching a cameo with a disturbing history of its own.

There's no way Sophie is going to give up the ghost on her dreams of stained glass and original woodwork, though—even when things become officially weird. A Society member is found with a slashed throat, and Sophie's house might as well be yelling, "GET…OUT!" She's hearing footsteps, lights are turning themselves off and her stuff keeps moving inexplicably. To top it off, boyfriend Anatoly thinks it's all in her head.

Sophie is 99 percent sure her problems are caused by someone six feet tall instead of six feet under, but the only way to be sure is to track down the killer—before he pushes her kicking and screaming to the other side…


Other Kyra Davis mysteries...Sex, Murder and a Double Latte, Passion, Betrayal and Killer Highlights, Obsession, Deceit and Really Dark Chocolate.

Monday, August 17, 2009

tee hee

Hot Hot Shakira Hot

Manic Monday...

Below is just a random selection from my Monday. Enjoy...

  • So, I NEED at sweet tea from McDonald's at lunch. I pull into the parking lot, and the drive thru line is backed all the way back to the road. I was not in the mood in to wait (the only way I would have waited is if it had been raining....really hard), so I park and went in to order. Guess what? There was NO ONE in the restaurant! Why are Americans so damn lazy? Now, don't get me wrong, if you are carrying young children in your vehicle, the drive thru line is definitely the best choice. I am a mother, and I understand that you don't want to get ANY child shorter than 4 ft near the damn play area at McDonald's, you will be there for 2 hours. But, I just happened to notice as I walked past all the cars in the drive thru, it was single passengers, just too lazy to get out of their cars. WTF?????

  • The following email was in my inbox this morning from one Ryan Harten from AlphaDestiny. The header states:
"Christi, Will You Give Me 7 Days to PROVE I Can Make You a New Man?"

Hmmmm......very interesting. This guy has his work cut out for him, since I am pretty sure that for the last 39 years, I have been a girl.

  • The youngest has ADHD and has an IEP (Individual Education Plan) in place at her school to help her learn in a more desirable manner and achieve her academic goals. The Principle of the school and I handpicked her teacher for her 4th grade year that would be a suitable match for her and her needs. During our meeting today, we were told the teacher we picked has taken another job out of the county, and the other 4th grade teachers have no more room in their classes for new students. This did not make me very happy, not a good way to start off my Monday.

******Warning...Girl Talk, boys be afraid, be very afraid******
  • Period. Period. Period. Period. Period. Period. Period. Period. Period. Period. Period. I think if I say it enough, it will come. But, unfortunately it hasn't worked. You see, I have ovarian cysts. The kind that make me have the symptoms of PMS...but there will be no M to my cycle. I am about to lose what mind I have left, my last period was the first of June and my hormones are running rampant. My skin feels as if it is turned inside out, clothes hurt to the touch and I feel as if I could pick up a car and throw it. With this said, I feel the Vice Principle of my daughters school was very lucky that no one was injured during our meeting this morning.

Saturday, August 15, 2009

Time traveling...it has finally released me

As I lay in bed on a sunny Saturday morning, I should be sleeping. I have finished The Time Travelers Wife, and I can finally have my life back! But, my mind seems to think differently. Every time I shut my eyes, my head spins. Like a movie projector, my mind begins to replay various scenes as I had imagined them to look.

From the moment I opened her pages two weeks ago today, she has held me prisoner. Five hundred and thirty six pages of absolute captivation, every page left me wanting for more. She exudes every raw emotion of real life...love, lust, innocence, jealousy, sex, empathy, fear, desire, sadness, triumph, lies, happiness, heartbreak, acceptance, unconditionally love.

A small part of me is sad that she is now complete, that all the pieces now fit perfectly and all the unanswered questions have been answered. I find myself, strangely....wanting more.

Tuesday, August 11, 2009


Sorry I have been M.I.A. for a while.

I have been busy

*planning a wedding
  • making favors
  • printing, stuffing and mailing invitations
  • making appointments for EVERYTHING that needs to be done
*getting the kids ready for back to school

*working full time

*wondering how I got this strange bruise on the inner part of my left eyelid

*trying to read The Time Traveler's Wife before we see the movie

*trying unsuccessfully to lose weight

*trying NOT to lose my mind

I promise, I will be back soon.

Saturday, August 01, 2009

How We Raise Our Kids In Kentucky

Miss Sally Edwards is a highly esteemed third grade teacher at Mercer County Elementary School.

In an effort to prepare her students for the all-important TAKS test, she compiled an exam consisting of 20 questions, which she administered to her class last Tuesday. The exam purposely covered a broad array of topics.

I call your attention to question # 11, which simply read:


1. ________ 2. ________ 3.________ 4. ________

Now, could you possibly imagine that 67% of the students gave the following answer?


GOD BLESS Kentucky ....