Wednesday, July 29, 2009

The birds, the bees and General Tso Chicken


So, as uncomfortable as it was, I had the sex talk last night with the kiddos. Well, I had the talk with the 10 year old, the 14 year old just sat and listened and kept telling me she had already learned everything in middle school. Yeah, yeah, just sit there and look interested...OK!!!! I thought I would take them out to dinner at a popular Chinese buffet near our house to try to lighten the mood. This is really the 'Ryans' of Chinese buffets, they have steak, pizza, mashed potatoes, mac-n-cheese...you know, all the foods kids love. I had given the oldest a heads up about what going to transpire at dinner before we picked her sister up at the YMCA. She looked at me with her 'WTF' look and said, "Do you we have to talk about this while we are eating???"

We are now seated at our table and we have our food (except for the oldest who is so grossed out, she cannot imagine eating at a moment like this). I made small talk and then hit them with my ton of bricks, "I think we need to have a talk about sex and all the stuff that goes a long with it, what do you think?" The youngest looks at me holding a piece of sweet-n-sour chicken dripping with ketchup and says, "Oh mom! Do we have to do this while we are eating?" At this point, I am wondering if the idea of sex and food really gross them out, or if they were trying to avoid the subject. Hmmmm......



I was trying not to laugh, but then jumped in feet first and started to talk about periods. My oldest is an old pro in this area, but the 10 year old, not so much. I was explaining to her what occurs and she looked at me and then looked at her plate full of ketchup. She pushed her food away and then proceeded to curl up in the fetal position in the corner of the booth. She looked at me and told me I was REALLY grossing her out. At this point, I came to the conclusion, it wasn't going as well as I had planned.

I continued to talk about where babies come from, what parts go where during intercourse and other things that have probably never been discussed in that booth before. The youngest kept begging me to wait until we got back in the car, she was embarrassed that other people were around us. I assured her they had NO IDEA what we were talking about. When I thought I had given enough information, I asked them if they had any questions. Going once, twice....but there were no questions from the audience.

I prodded them a little more and started talking about dating. I wanted them to understand they are always driving the car...in a matter of speaking. Their actions will let a boy know (or think) how far they want to go. I tried to make them understand how special the act really is, and that it will not mean as much to them until they find the right person. This conversation then lead to talk about marriage and ultimately, the divorce between their dad and I. I tried to make them understand that I would not trade the time I had with their dad, because it gave me them, my two beautiful daughters. There were tears, there were issues brought to light that had been bothering both of them, but in the end I think we all walked away from that booth understanding each other a little better.


6 comments:

joe said...

And did you tell them that men are basically pigs? And that they shouldn't be alone with a boy without their mother in the room until they're 25?? Or do women just instinctively know that..

Organic Meatbag said...

I never got this talk from my Parents... I learned everything from Caddyshack and Airplane...hmmm... that really explains a lot...

Charmed said...

joe: What I wanted to tell them is what my Mom told me..."don't ever let a boy touch you, if they think they can touch you, they will think you are easy."

OM: I didn't get the talk either, so I had no script. I was given books to read. I on the other hand, could not find the same books to give my daughters.

joe said...

Well, they look like smart girls. I'm sure they'll do just fine ;^)

bourbonmama said...

And I am SO glad I only have the boy. Oh Gawd, I can't imagine having the talk.

Melinda Zook said...

Wow, that's a hard conversation to have...sounds like you handled it just right. I always thought I'd be able to do it without winking an eye but I know in a few years it will turn out to be much more challenging.