Friday, May 23, 2008


I have something meaningful to do in my spare time at work. And the best part fingers won't get all orange and cheesy.

WFPK announced this morning that these guys are coming in October. It is a few months away, but they are going to start giving away tickets soon. I am programming their number in speed dial now.

Wednesday, May 21, 2008

My brain is full and I am so tired

I haven't written in a while, I really haven't had much to say. My brain is so jumbled and full it hurts. I am going to warn you, this may be long and jump from topic to beware.

Had a great Birthday. Dunnski treated me to a spectacular dinner at Bourbon's Bistro and a small box from Edenside, my favorite.

I was BACK in the hospital weekend before last. Another kidney stone. I know what you are thinking. When will you ever pass all of those little suckers? I wish I knew the answer to that question. I am hurting some now, trying to pass some fragments, that just do not want to come out. So, who knows.....

Last weekend took a weekend trip to Kings Island with Cork's band. OMG! What were we thinking?? A weekend trip with 50 teenagers! Oh well, Dunnski and I got a trip to Jungle Jim's out of it, so it wasn't half bad.

Work is work. I am very unmotivated right now.

My oldest, Cork will be a teenager next week. But, I don't really expect her attitude to change much. She has been giving me a BIG ATTITUDE since she entered the 7th grade.

Well, it is official. My youngest daughter has Inattentive ADHD. Her poor grades in school and her inability to concentrate led me to have her tested by her therapist. I always had an idea that she had something wrong with her. She can be very difficult to handle at times, not like a normal child.


We now need to go to the pediatrician and start the trials of medication to see which ones and at which levels she will best react to.

We had a visit with the therapist (Dr Julie) Monday night and Julie was talking to Ash about how her dad and I divorcing will always come back to visit her. Julie said, "the memory will some days come back and knock on your door without you even thinking about it." Ash looked at her and said, "the memories are still ringing my doorbell everyday." The fact that an 8 year old is haunted by memories is so sad.

If you are a regular reader, you have read my post about Ash not being able to sleep in her own room. Well, Dr. Julie tried tackling that issue Monday night. Her and Ash came to the conclusion that it is worry that keeps her awake. Ash does not like school, so there is a lot of tension at bedtime. Ash told Julie that she will sometimes call her dad at bedtime and after they talk she will ask him to hang up the phone and leave it on his pillow next to him and she will do the same, that way she can imagine that he is there next to her. I am now, as I was then, crying like a baby. This broke my heart. I know that the divorce was the right thing to do. But how can I explain to my 8 year old daughter that taking her dad away was the right thing to do?

As a mother you want to make your children happy. You want your children to feel safe and protected and loved. You want your children to be able to be children - to not have to worry. It hurts my heart when my children worry and they hurt. I want to take all of it from them. Especially Ashley, she is so little, she puts on a brave face, but the pain is still there.

I am so stressed, I used to love to listen to all types music. It was my escape. Now it is like it is static, like it's noise. The only type that I can listen to now is classical. It is so soothing. It relaxes me.

Thursday, May 08, 2008

Any thoughts?

My 12 year old, almost a teenager, who thinks she is 18, has braces.

She has broken more brackets than I can count.

We had ANOTHER appointment last night with the orthodontist to have a missing bracket replaced. This one was in the very back and its absence caused her two front teeth to spread back apart a little bit. The little shit would not tell me how it came off, only that she just noticed it was gone one day. Yeah, right. But she managed to tell the orthodontist that it broke off while she was enjoying a piece of jolly rancher candy. Ahhh....Hello! Jolly Ranchers are not on the approved food list! (Every time I think of the approved food list....It reminds me of the Everybody Loves Raymond episode where Deb did not bring the T-ball snacks that were on the Approved Snack List. Too Funny!)

After her visit the doctor comes out to tell me that we have a problem. That Cork's teeth are not going to get any straighter if she keeps losing and breaking brackets. Duh! I know that!!!!! So, we talk a minute and she tells me that she has never had a patient with so many broken or missing brackets. That she must take this seriously or the braces cannot do their job....STRAIGHTEN HER TEETH!

At that moment I saw the look in the doctors eyes that I see in my own when I look in the mirror after trying to "talk" to my daughter.

She was at her wits end.

She was fit to be tied.

She was at a loss.

I told her to welcome to my world. I cannot follow my daughter (who is as tall as me) around all day and tell her what NOT to eat. She is a big girl.

Not to mention, that mouth full of metal is not cheap! So, here is my question, what do I do to scare the holy crap out of my daughter to get her to take this seriously!? The doctor and I did have one thought... that if we told her we would just take them off is she continued to not take care of them. But then I started thinking....hmmm, I am going to have to pay the same if they stay on or not. So, I am not sure about that one. I mean what if my daughter said one day, "you know Mom, I don't want braces anymore, lets just take them off." What would I do then???

Ugh....why do kids have to grow up? Why can't they stay little and cute forever?

One more thing. For those of you with little ones that will teenagers soon....buckle up.

While I have you....

maybe someone could give me some thoughts on this one as well.

My youngest has decided that she cannot sleep alone in her bedroom anymore.

Her main worry is that she will not be able to go to sleep, and therefore, she will not get enough sleep and be tired the next morning. (Trust me, I know it is very confusing.)

She has been sneaking in her sisters room at night and sleeping on her top bunk. We cannot make her understand that she can sleep alone in her room, up until about a month ago everything was fine. She does not need someone to sleep in the same room with her.

Fast forward to last night. Cork went to a friends to sleepover and Ash about lost her mind. When we woke this morning, Dunnski opened the bedroom door and almost stepped on Ashes head. She was asleep in the hall, right outside our door.

I know she dreads going to school and she is not having a good year. But we seriously do not know what to do. Trying to reason with her does not work.

Any ideas?

**I was IM'ing with Twinkie after posting this and she brought up a very good point. She asked where Ash sleeps when she goes to her Dad's house. Her and her sister share a room when they visit him, so maybe that is where she has developed the feeling of needing someone in the same room with her? Thanks Twinkie!**

Happy Mother's Day

I received this in an email this morning from a wonderful mother...get the kleenex ready.


This is for the mothers who have sat up
all night with sick toddlers in their arms,
wiping up barf laced with Oscar Mayer
wieners and cherry Kool-Aid saying,
'It's okay honey, Mommy's here.'

Who have sat in rocking chairs for hours on end
soothing crying babies who can't be comforted.

This is for all the mothers who show up at
work with spit-up in their hair and milk stains
on their blouses and diapers in their purse.

For all the mothers who run carpools and
make cookies and sew Halloween costumes.
And all the mothers who DON'T.

This is for the mothers who gave birth to
babies they'll never see. And the mothers
who took those babies and gave them homes.

This is for the mothers whose priceless art
collections are hanging on their refrigerator doors.

And for all the mothers who froze their buns
on metal bleachers at football or soccer games instead
of watching from the warmth of their cars..
And that when their kids asked, 'Did you see me, Mom?'

they could say, 'Of course, I wouldn't
have missed it for the world,'
and mean it.

This is for all the mothers who yell at their kids
in the grocery store and swat them in despair when
they stomp their feet and scream for ice cream before dinner.
And for all the mothers who count to ten instead,
but realize how child abuse happens.

This is for all the mothers who sat down with
their children and explained all about making
babies. And for all the (grand)mothers who
wanted to, but just couldn't find the words.

This is for all the mothers who go
hungry, so their children can eat.

For all the mothers who read 'Goodnight,
Moon' twice a night for a year. And then
read it again, 'Just one more time.'

This is for all the mothers who taught
their children to tie their shoelaces before
they started school. And for all the mothers
who opted for Velcro instead.

This is for all the mothers who teach their sons
to cook and their daughters to sink a jump shot.

This is for every mother whose head turns
automatically when a little voice calls 'Mom?'
in a crowd, even though they know their
own offspring are at home -- or even away
at college -- or have their own families.

This is for all the mothers who sent their kids
to school with stomach aches, assuring them
they'd be just FINE once they got there, only
to get calls from the school nurse an hour later
asking them to please pick them up. Right away.

This is for mothers whose children have gone
astray, who can't find the words to reach them.

For all the mothers who bite their lips until they
bleed when their 14 year olds dye their hair green.

For all the mothers of the victims of
recent school shootings, and the mothers
of those who did the shooting.

For the mothers of the survivors,
and the mothers who sat in front of their TVs
in horror, hugging their child
who just came home from school, safely.

This is for all the mothers who taught their
children to be peaceful, and now pray
they come home safely from a war.

What makes a good mother anyway?
Is it patience? Compassion? Broad hips?
The ability to nurse a baby, cook dinner, and

sew a button on a shirt, all at the same time?

Or is it in her heart?
Is it the ache she feels when she

watches her son or daughter disappear
down the street, walking to school alone
for the very first time?

The jolt that takes her from sleep to
dread, from bed to crib at 2 A.M. to put
her hand on the back of a sleeping baby?

The panic, years later, that comes again
at 2 A.M. when she just wants to hear
their key in the door and know they
are safe again in her home?

Or the need to flee from wherever she is
and hug her child when she hears news
of a fire, a car accident, a child dying?

The emotions of motherhood are
universal and so our thoughts are for

Young mothers struggling through diaper
changes and sleep deprivation....

And for mature mothers learning to let go.

For working mothers and stay-at-home mothers.

Single mothers and married mothers.

Mothers with money, mothers without.

This is for you all. For all of us...

Hang in there. In the end we can
only do the best we can. Tell them
every day that we love them. And pray
and never stop being a mother....

Well, I am officially 38 years old.

And I feel great!

It has been a long month since my initial trip to the ER on April 4th with the humendous 8mm stone. I have had both of my kidneys blasted with lasers, passed more stone fragments than I count and had a stent from hell in my body for 6 long days. Let me say one more time....kidney stones suck.

Today is going to be a great day. I have on a new dress, pretty pearls and my black heels. I even have a kick ass bag to match my dress. It is supposed to rain all day today, but that isn't going to get me down. I hope everyone has a wonderful day!!

Tuesday, May 06, 2008

Holy crap! When will this end???

So, I get back from the Doctor after having my stent removed. I am feeling pretty good for a couple of hours and then....WHAM! My left side starts cramping like I am passing another effin' stone. THIS IS NOT HAPPENING.

I just got off the phone with the nurse practitioner and I am having spasms in my kidney from the removal of the stent. WTF? I have had a stent on three other occasions and this DID NOT happen! I am in so much freakin' pain right now, that having a baby would be a walk in the park.

Again, I will ask WTF??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

This is how I feel every damn morning...

At 10:15 am this morning, I will have this removed from my body. It is about freakin' time!!!!!!!!!!!!!

One word to describe the feeling.....


To me and to my blog!

I can't believe that in two days I will be......38! That is really close to 40, a little too close I must say. I think I am going to declare the year I am 38 - The Year of Charmed. Has a nice ring to it, huh?

And, this week will be a year since I started my blog. Wow, almost 900 posts later, who knew I had so much to say?

Monday, May 05, 2008

Where does the time go?

I just realized that I have not blogged in over a week! That is so unlike me.

Well, to catch you up...I had to have another Lithotripsy last week on my other kidney. As well as having all the fragments scraped out of the left kidney that wouldn't pass from the previous surgery two weeks before. Good times.

Oh, and the good doc had to put a stent in my left kidney. The rubber tube (catheter) that I was telling you about in a previous post. The one that makes me feel like I have a blow torch in my bladder. I called today to get an appointment to have it taken out and the nurse told me the only appointment was Thursday. I then told her that I would come to the parking lot of the office and he could remove it in the lot with a pair of rusty pliers. I COULD NOT WAIT UNTIL THURSDAY. She found an opening tomorrow and squeezed me in.

To top it all off, I am taking an antibiotic that I am having a reaction to. It is causing me to have very vivid dreams. Dreams that you wake up and you are sweating and exhausted from.

I went to lunch today and had a pedicure. You know, percocet and pedicures really are a good combo.