Sunday, December 30, 2007

Happy Birthday Dunnski!!!!!

Thoughts For Those Who Take Life Too Seriously

Save the whales. Collect the whole set.
99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
A day without sunshine is like . . . night.
On the other hand, you have different fingers.
I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.
I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
Honk if you love peace and quiet.
He who laughs last, probably thinks slowest.
Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.
Remember, half the people you know are below average.
Support bacteria. They're the only culture some people have.
Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life.
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.
Get a new car for your spouse. It'll be a great trade!
Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.
Always try to be modest, and be proud of it!
If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.
How many of you believe in telekinesis? Raise my hand...
OK, so what's the speed of dark?
How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?
If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
Everyone has a photographic memory; some just don't have film.
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.
I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?

Friday, December 28, 2007

Blah...

Bluck...It is raining, I have a TON of work to do and I would rather be anywhere than at work today.

On the bright side, my ex has the kids, it is Dunnski's birthday this weekend and I am having a kick ass hair day!

Missing

Someone really should have given these another thought...





Courtroom Testimony

These are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.

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ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
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ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
WITNESS: July 18th.
ATTORNEY: What year?
WITNESS: Every year.
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ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
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ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
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ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan.
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ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
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ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Would you repeat the question?
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ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Uh...
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ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
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ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
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ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
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ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
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ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral.
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ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him!
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ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Huh?
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ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

Thursday, December 27, 2007

My kids do this to me ALL the time...MOM, MOMMM!!!!!

Oh. My. Gawd.

Winners of the "I Look Like My Dog" Contest






Inconceivable!!

Crack...in chocolate form.

I want this bag!!

Hello, My name is Charmed and I have a problem. I am addicted to rather large handbags.

I LOVE THEM!!!!

So Cute!

I just love this little necklace from Inspire Co. It is double sided and just adorable! Their site is full of wonderful little treasures. Amy is the owner, and she even has a lovely little blog.

Wednesday, December 26, 2007

This is awesome!

How to get rid of things...

While stumbling through the www tonight, I found a site dedicated to helping you find a way to get rid of things. Yep, that is what I said. It is called http://www.getridofthings.com/. It is chopped full of info from getting rid of pests in your home, debt, health problems and even deer in your yard (which is a problem we have). Check it out.

Be on the lookout for this notice...and then don't stop to read it!


CSI Charmed

Both of my daughters received fake nails for Christmas; remind me to thank my Mom later! I came home from work today to find a very disturbing scene. Fingernails everywhere...apparently they tried on EVERY pair today. They were on the table, scattered on the carpet, stuck to the couch. It looked like a homicide scene and the culprit had a major nail fetish. At least they didn't glue themselves to each other, that would have been BAD!!!!

We did it!

Our version of this.

Had my first one today...YUMMY!!!!!

I am now official...


I had to become a Notary Public for work. So, today I raised my right hand and solemnly swore to something or other. The woman was talking WAY to fast for me to understand her. I am pretty sure it was make sure I don't notarize anything that I am unsure of and stuff like that...and then I received my certificate. Good times!

Thursday, December 20, 2007

Pass the Xanax...PLEASE!!!

My inspiration for this post came from Josh over at 91. If you want to check out around 180 more incredibly frightened children, click here. Good times!









Words to live by...

What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

What the heck?

I was reading a blog entry on Twinkie's blog about this guy sweating green. Then, this morning, I log into Yahoo and there is a story about a man turning blue! What's next? Are the Smurf's coming to life??

Wednesday, December 19, 2007

The bean counters are puttin' their party hats on!

Yes folks, today is the day, the Finance Department Annual Christmas party.

It will begin at lunch with pizza, good conversation and if we're lucky...a few cold ones, at The Louisville Pizza Company.


Then, stand back...cause we're hitting the lanes at Kingpin!

Half day off, lunch with friends, bowling in the middle of a Wednesday afternoon. Hmmm....sounds like a great time to me!!

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

I've had better days...


Went to the dentist today...have some cavities in my mandibular second molars. All 4 of them actually. I am not very happy. See, my old dentist, we will call him Dr. N, retired a couple of years ago. I have had, for a very long time, what Dr N called stains in the top of those two lower molars. He took many x-rays, he always said there was no decay. I always thought you had to have pain to have a cavity...I was wrong. I made an appointment with a new dentist for today, Dr. R. After a cleaning and 17 x-rays, it was determined that those lines in my back teeth were not stains, they are indeed cavities. He noticed two more very small ones in the two upper molars as well. I am not looking forward to this. I am 37 years old and these will be my first fillings, and hopefully my last.