Friday, August 03, 2007

Who Does Michael Bublé Think He Is?

The dapper Canadian crooner is secretly a badass — breaking the law weekly, picking unnecessary fights.
By Victoria De Silverio

Blender, July 2007

Q: Why have you drawn yourself as a superhero?
A: I’ve always wanted to be one. I had Spider-Man posters on my wall when I was young. I still have them. In the past two days I’ve watched 12 episodes of Heroes. It’s great.

Q: What superpower would you want most?
A: To see through women’s clothing.

Q: Like your mom’s?
A: That’s really sick; but with great power comes great responsibility.

Q: What did you do last night?
A: I watched the Vancouver Canucks play in the first game of the playoffs against the Anaheim Ducks. This is really not interesting, is it?

Q: Not really. How about this: It’s a typical Friday at 11 p.m. What are you doing?
A: I am on the couch falling asleep, because, well, I can’t tell you why, because it’s illegal.

Q: How illegal?
A: Illegal enough. I’m burned out, usually. I’m not going to tell you more than that. By 11 o’clock, I’m pooped from what I’ve been doing all day. It makes a lot of things — like eating, sex and TV — more fun.

Q: When was the first time you got drunk?
A: I was 11, on a fishing boat with my family, eating crabs. I asked my parents if I could have a rum and Coke and they said, “Well, why don’t you have as many as you’d like with us?” I puked all night.

Q: If we drug-tested you, what would we find?
A: You know the answer. It would make up 50 percent of my molecules. You could probably just burn me right now and inhale, and we’d be hungry and everything would be better.

Q: Would there be any legal drugs?
A: I’m on Nexium for heartburn; I use an inhaler for my asthma; and I get cold sores, so I use Denavir. I’m also wearing orthotics in my shoes right now. Seriously. I broke my ankle playing hockey. I’m like a 31-year-old man in an 80-year-old man’s body.

Q: If you have asthma, why do you smoke?
A: Nobody likes a quitter.

Q: What’s the worst mistake you ever made?
A: One time I was singing at a club, and these guys kept booing me, and at the end of the night I asked them to step outside. But they weren’t yelling “Boo! Boo!” — they were yelling “Lou! Lou!” because my drummer, Lou Huger, was a buddy of theirs. I felt like a jackass.

Q: Tell us a trade secret.
A: Be nice to everyone. You never know if the intern will be the next president of your record company.

Q: “Stairway to Heaven” or “Freebird”?
A: “Stairway to Heaven,” without a doubt. What other song do you get 12 minutes to make out with a girl on the dance floor?

Q: Would you ever get plastic surgery?
A: Maybe a penis reduction.

Q: Do you do your own laundry?
A: Of course. I don’t want people to see my laundry.

Q: Are you a genius?
A: I’m more like an idiot savant. Like, “Wow, he can count those cards,” but totally retarded in other ways. Like Rain Man.

Q: What happens after you die?
A: I hope I go to heaven in a little rowboat.

Q: What’s your tombstone going to say?
A: F*ck, I told you I was ill.

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