Thursday, August 30, 2007

I don't know how to make them stop.

I have been having these dreams. Dreams about my ex's family. The last time I saw them was at Thanksgiving last year, D and I had already talked of separating, so there was an uneasiness in the air. I knew that day, even if we could have worked it out, it would never be the same in their eyes. I never got to say goodbye that day. My youngest was playing with her cousin and fell and cut a gash in her head and we had to rush her to the ER. I never imagined it would be the last time I would see them.

In my dreams I am with my in-laws and two sister-in-laws. They are always ignoring me and doing a bad job of "pretending" I'm not there. I always have a confrontation with only one of them in each dream. And it is a knock down, drag out, yelling match. The dream I had last night was a little different, I was stuck on a high beam or something and I could not get down and they would not help me. They just kept ignoring me. What the hell is wrong with me?

I know that part of me just can't believe that after 20 years you can just cut ties with someone and don't ever care if you talk to them or see them ever again. They only lost one person. I lost a whole family. I can honestly say, I wasn't that close with my mother-in-law. She had a brain aneurysm 10 years ago and it really changed who she was as a person. I was close to my father-in-law. But I was the closest to my two sister-in-laws, they were like sisters to me. And now they are gone, just gone. And it isn't like this was a shock to them. They knew I was unhappy three years ago and talked me into staying and working on my marriage. So, just because I am not married to their brother, I can't be their friend?

So, I guess until I get some kind of closure to this in my mind, the dreams will continue...

1 comment:

kittenpower said...

I think you can still be friends with your ex-sisters in law. Knowing someone for 20 years is a friendshop.
Unless you left on just plain bad terms or something... But I guess I don't know the story. :)