Charmed and Dangerous

Monday, November 09, 2009

Slank off!

Caroline @ Bourbon in my Bottle has a hilarious post that will make you LMAO....

Read it here....cause I said so!

Hot Hot Kentucky Bloggin' Hot!!

Thank you so much Meatbag for the awesome award! I am so happy that other bloggers enjoy reading my crazy thoughts!

I would like to pass this award to Caroline @ Bourbon in my Bottle, cause she reminds me so much of myself and she has an awesome, funny and bourbonny blog!

Thursday, November 05, 2009

M.I.A.

I haven't posted in a while because I have been having another round of kidney stone attacks.

I am so sick of these little mother truckers!!

Friday, October 30, 2009

Halloween Kiss...

A cabbie picks up a Nun. She gets into the cab, and notices that the VERY handsome cab driver won't stop staring at her. She asks him why he is staring.

He replies: "I have a question to ask, but I don't want to offend you."
She answers, "My son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive."

"Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me."

She responds, "Well, let's see what we can do about that -
1) you have to be single and
2) you must be Catholic."

The cab driver is very excited and says, "Yes, I'm single and Catholic!"
"OK" the nun says. "Pull into the next alley."

The nun fulfills his fantasy with a kiss that would make a hooker blush.
But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying.

"My dear child," said the nun, why are you crying?"

"Forgive me, but I've sinned. I lied and I must confess, I'm married and I'm Jewish."

The nun says, "That's OK. My name is Kevin and I'm going to a Halloween party!"

What in sam hell is going on in L.A.?????

And why does Brad Pitt look as if he just stepped out of a men's shelter and hasn't showered in 5 days?!?!?!?!?!

Thursday, October 29, 2009

Lindsey Blohan got a new tat...

Come on now, I want to see by a show of hands who REALLY cares about this........

Yeah, that's what I thought.

Where's the cheetos?

I swear to Kelly Clarkson when I saw this picture I thought the chic on the left, well, my left sitting in front of my puter and maybe my right if I were turned the other way, hell, that left and right shit has always confused me! THE CHIC IN THE GOLD, ALRIGHT! I swear, she looks just like Brit Brit wearing a bad weave.

In reality it is a couple of ho's from The Real Housewives of New Jersey.

And, I am in the process of calling N.J. Child Protective Services on whomever put that stupid pink hat on that poor innocent baby.

Would you?

Have sexy times with Palm Beach Sugar Daddy Ken?

He looks kinda feminine to me, so I think I might not be his type. Although, I would like to pet his puppy.

Seriously???

Does this dude EVER smile?

And, if he thought Kate was batshit crazy....he obviously didn't have a crystal ball to foresee his future...

For everything else...

Flowers - $250
Cake - $300
Officiant - $200

The look on Dunnski's face in the picture below....PRICELESS!!!

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Frank and my chili recipe

We had a chili cook off contest Monday at work and my chili won second place. It was very close behind the winning chili (shoot, I knew I should have filled out more ballots with my chili on it)!! I have had several folks ask for the recipe, so here it is, along with a very funny story about a Texas Chili Contest.

Enjoy!

Charms Chili

* 1lb of ground chuck or ground beef (ground chuck is less fatty)
* 1 medium onion chopped
* 2 cloves of garlic chopped
* Adolph's Meat Tenderizer Seasoning
* 1 large can (29 oz) tomato sauce
* 1 can (15 oz or so) diced tomatoes
* 1 can (10 oz) Rotel tomatoes - original
* 1 package of chili seasoning (powder)- example - McCormick's
* Chili powder

Brown the onions and garlic, then add beef. Season beef with the meat tenderizer seasoning. Cook beef until browned. In a large soup pot, begin to add all canned ingredients and chili seasonings. I recommend adding the chili powder to taste. I like to add about 8 shakes of the bottle, but I like a lot of chili flavor, you might not like as much. Once meat is brown, drain grease and add to tomato mixture and simmer on low for about 20 minutes.
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Texas Chili Contest

This one is just about the funniest thing I've read this week. If you can read this whole story without laughing then there's no hope for you. I was crying by the end.

Note: Please take time to read this slowly. If you pay attention to the first two judges, the reaction of the third judge is even better. For those of you who have lived in Texas, you know how true this is, they actually have a Chili Cook-off about the time Halloween comes around. It takes up a major portion of a parking lot at the San Antonio City Park.

Judge #3 was an inexperienced Chili taster named Frank, who was visiting from Springfield, IL.

Frank: "Recently, I was honored to be selected as a judge at a chili cook-off. The original person called in sick at the last moment and I happened to be standing there at the judge's table asking for directions to the Coors Light truck, when the call came in. I was assured by the other two judges (Native Texans) that the chili wouldn't be all that spicy and, besides, they told me I could have free beer during the tasting, so I accepted".

Here are the scorecard notes from the event:
CHILI # 1 - MIKE'S MANIAC MONSTER CHILI...
Judge # 1 -- A little too heavy on the tomato. Amusing kick.
Judge # 2 -- Nice, smooth tomato flavor. Very mild.
Judge # 3 (Frank) -- Holy shit, what the hell is this stuff? You could remove dried paint from your driveway. Took me two beers to put the flames out. I hope that's the worst one. These Texans are crazy.
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CHILI # 2 - AUSTIN'S AFTERBURNER CHILI...
Judge # 1 -- Smoky, with a hint of pork. Slight jalapeno tang.
Judge # 2 -- Exciting BBQ flavor, needs more peppers to be taken seriously.
Judge # 3 -- Keep this out of the reach of children. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich maneuver. They had to rush in more beer when they saw the look on my face.
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CHILI # 3 - FRED'S FAMOUS BURN DOWN THE BARN CHILI...
Judge # 1 -- Excellent firehouse chili. Great kick.
Judge # 2 -- A bit salty, good use of peppers.
Judge # 3 -- Call the EPA. I've located a uranium spill. My nose feels like I have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now. Get me more beer before I ignite. Barmaid pounded me on the back, now my backbone is in the front part of my chest. I'm getting shit-faced from all of the beer.
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CHILI # 4 - BUBBA'S BLACK MAGIC...
Judge # 1 -- Black bean chili with almost no spice. Disappointing.
Judge # 2 -- Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or other mild foods, not much of a chili.
Judge # 3 -- I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to taste it. Is it possible to burn out taste buds? Sally, the beermaid, was standing behind me with fresh refills. That 300-LB woman is starting to look HOT...just like this nuclear waste I'm eating! Is chili an aphrodisiac?
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CHILI # 5 LISA'S LEGAL LIP REMOVER...
Judge # 1 -- Meaty, strong chili. Cayenne peppers freshly ground, adding considerable kick. Very impressive.
Judge # 2 -- Chili using shredded beef, could use more tomato. Must admit the cayenne peppers make a strong statement.
Judge # 3 -- My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead and I can no longer focus my eyes. I farted and four people behind me needed paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her chili had given me brain damage. Sally saved my tongue from bleeding by pouring beer directly on it from the pitcher. I wonder if I'm burning my lips off. It really pisses me
off that the other judges asked me to stop screaming. Screw those rednecks.
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CHILI # 6 - VERA'S VERY VEGETARIAN VARIETY...
Judge # 1 -- Thin yet bold vegetarian variety chili. Good balance of spices and peppers.
Judge # 2 -- The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, and garlic. Superb.
Judge # 3 -- My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous, sulfuric flames. I shit on myself when I farted and I'm worried it will eat through the chair. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except that Sally. Can't feel my lips anymore. I need to wipe my ass with a snow cone.
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CHILI # 7 - SUSAN'S SCREAMING SENSATION CHILI..
Judge # 1 -- A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned peppers.
Judge # 2 -- Ho hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of chili peppers at the last moment. **I should take note that I am worried about Judge # 3. He appears to be in a bit of distress as he is cursing uncontrollably.
Judge # 3 -- You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and I wouldn't feel a thing. I've lost sight in one eye, and the world sounds like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with chili, which slid unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full of lava to match my shirt. At least during the autopsy, they'll know what killed me I've decided to stop breathing it's too painful. Screw it; I'm not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air, I'll just suck it in through the 4-inch hole in my stomach.
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CHILI # 8 - BIG TOM'S TOENAIL CURLING CHILI...
Judge # 1 -- The perfect ending, this is a nice blend chili. Not too bold but spicy enough to declare its existence.
Judge # 2 -- This final entry is a good, balanced chili. Neither mild nor hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge #3 farted, passed out, fell over and pulled the chili pot down on top of himself. Not sure if he's going to make it. poor feller, wonder how he'd have reacted to really hot chili?
Judge # 3 - No Report